Loretto, Louisville & Why I Shaved My Head!

WHAT BENNIE'S BEEN DOING, Weeks 2-3 (Loretto & Louisville)

NOTE: This post was written September 11, 2018 but not published until Bluegrass Brigid was created on September 25.

The "Soul Food Recipes for Renewal" this last week and a half have been many and varied!

1) “OIL FOR MY LAMP”

Last weekend, I spent time meditating at Sacred Space (https://www.sacredspace.ie/) The scripture was the parable of the 10 bridesmaids (Matthew 25:1-13). And, all I could think was: "What could be more appropriate as I begin packing and preparing for the next 40 days?!"

You may remember the wise bridesmaids have enough oil to keep their lamps trimmed and burning, but, the foolish run out because they didn’t pack extra oil. So, I began the process of “packing smart,” all the while hearing in my mind that old camp song “Give Me Oil for My Lamp, Keep it Burning, Burning, Burning!”

That said, it’s also true that those wise bridesmaids didn’t have to deal with TSA “carry-on” restrictions! So, after much packing, unpacking and re-packing, I finally got my bag packed and ready, ready, ready for any and every climate I may encounter.

2) “CONSIDER THE SOURCE”

Just a few days after the bridesmaid reading, God spoke directly to me again. This time the scripture was the Pharisees complaining to Jesus about his disciples not washing their hands before they eat. But, Jesus says to them, “There is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come.” (Mark 7:15,21)

The Sacred Space Inspiration guide suggested the following reflection: “It’s good to give thought to what is ‘coming into me’ and where it comes from, as well as what is ‘going out from me’ and where it comes from.”

That turned out to be the perfect foundation for my silent retreat at the Sisters of Loretto this past weekend. My goal had been two-fold:

Time alone with God to spiritually ground myself before travel, and

Time to acquaint myself with the contemplative spirituality of Thomas Merton.

But, the Mark reading pressed me to set a third goal at Loretto:

to pay attention to what is coming in to me by attempting a 3-day fast from food in order that I might focus instead on being fed by word and spirit.

It was tough! And, I’m sad to report I couldn’t make it the whole three days. But, I did make it 36 hours on just water and coffee. And, I made it 78 hours on just water, coffee and two energy bars! It really was a powerful experience to feel hunger… but then, just focus my thoughts and energy on God and and nature and Thomas Merton rather than my belly. In some ways, it was actually easier than I thought because our minds have much more power over our bodies than we think!

I am extremely grateful for those few days at Loretto to truly consider the source of who I am… of what goes into me and where it comes from… as well as what goes out of me and where it comes from…

Which brings me to a fourth goal I chose for myself during this sabbatical: to consider the source of my self-identity by shaving my head! As a woman I have always had a love-hate relationship with my hair… meaning mostly that I love to hate it :(

Why not cut it all off and see how I feel about myself without it?

Why not let it grow back in without coloring it and see the gray instead of hiding it (...at least for a little while, but maybe not for too long!)

Why not find my inner and outer beauty naturally… without observing the societal standards of doing my hair and putting on makeup?

So, before I went to Loretto, I went to my hairdresser and shaved my head. In some ways, I have never felt so liberated! Yeah, it’s weird. But, I’m still me. And, I am learning to love me in a whole new way!

Oddly enough, this whole new focus on “considering the source of who we are” also perfectly prepared me for Thomas Merton. I am blown away by his attention to the sources of his own identity as well as those around him. As he puts it in when speaking of his own birth:

“On the last day of January 1915, under the sign of the Water Bearer, in a year of a great war, and down in the shadow of some French mountains on the borders of Spain, I came into the world. Free by nature, in the image of God, I was nevertheless the prisoner of my own violence and my own selfishness, in the image of the world into which I was born.”

Merton is famous for a reason… he considers the source while at the same time grounding us all in the original source of our being: the image of God. And, that brings me to the final soul food recipe of the Loretto retreat and my time with David before departing for Scotland...

3) “BE STILL AND KNOW”

“Be still and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

When I arrived at Loretto and finally sat down after all the bag-packing, list-checking, and detail-obsessing, I wrote the following in my little prayer journal:

Tonight, for the first time in 2 years, I am thinking of nothing but right now.

Right now.

Right now.

Right now.

I am being still… like Van Gogh’s still life.

Still in the presence of the Word and beautiful in my still life!

I cannot say “Thank You” enough for this incredible gift of time to be still and consider the source of my being in God! Attached below are pictures of my cabin in Loretto, appropriately named “Wonder,” and the hiking trail where I fed both body and soul with the presence of God. Following those are some pictures of my time in Louisville with David where we just enjoyed being still and knowing God in the joys of life…